SHOULD TEACHERS VIDEOTAPE BAD KIDS?

The bandwagon is already full of people eager to tattle on teachers about every piece of unprofessional minutia they are guilty of.  Youtube is plastered with "angry teacher" videos usually filmed by a student provocateer, as unsuspecting teachers are caught in  their humanness. Like the California police claimed about the Rodney King video, we really need to understand what occured BEFORE the filming took place. You know the old cause and effect defense. Therefore, I would like to devote a page of my blog to sharing some of the ridiculous and rotten things kids and their parents do that might cause even Ghandi to lose patience. I wish I could post video or audio tape, but unfortunately that might interfere with my desire to stay employed as a teacher. So for now, I'll share in a capacity more like a police blotter. Feel free to submitt your own TRUE "tattletales" about the rotten apples you've encountered in a school setting. I'll post them on my schoolblotter page.

LAUGH A LITTLE, LIVE A LITTLE

EDUCATION HUMOR- WORST ANALOGIES USED IN A HIGHSCHOOL ESSAY  

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes...

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

Teacher-Speak Glossary

Just as every region, culture, or microcommunity has its colloquialisms- we know many professions do too.  Here is a sampling and translation of some of the unofficial language and terminology that I've heard used by educators in various places. *Don't get caught using these unless you've already applied for unemployment benefits and have a good relationship with your local teacher's union.

 

dumb bunny- usually used in reference to a student who is well behaved, but not very bright.

future jailbird-a child whose parent or guardian usually points the finger at the teacher, or someone else when contacted about their child's inappropriate behavior. The parent usually explain away and/or justify every inappropriate behavior throughout the school year.

mommas's baby- A student who has very high-strung, nit-picky parents. A child whose parents have not cut the cord. *However, the child himself may be a great student, well behaved, and stellar in every way. 

scholar- a smart kid; One who has the potential to do well in a subject.

star student- opposite of a dumb bunny; usually a VERY difficult to deal with and hard to manage student.